Well. The world is on fire. We’re stuck in our homes — unless you’re unable to be, a dick, or a necessary health care/pharmacy/delivery/sanitary/security worker (love to the first and the last). All the Disney Channel Original Movies are on Disney+, and I’m here to relay their beautiful insanity to you, one by one.
First stop: Smart House.
It’s a beautiful day to sort fictional characters into fictional houses of a fictional magic school!
Almost as important as saving lives.
Today we’re sorting Disney heroines – that is, the Disney princesses who may be in the Princess Merchandising lineup, but technically don’t have any actual royal lineage or royal consort in their future.
Reminder of the Hogwarts Houses:
Let’s begin!
Game of Thrones is over. It hurts. Both because it was a staple of our lives we all loved and enjoyed together for over eight years, and also because after a ground breaking, impossibly good, world phenomena series run, they kinda stuck the landing like…
(X) Writing is hard, guys.
But I’m not here to talk about that, because, well, the Memes pretty much have that covered. I’m here to talk about something Game of Thrones did really, really right (well, for the most part):
Arya and Sansa Mother Fucking Stark.
It always happens when you’re not looking for it. You’re going about your day, working, running errands, organizing your collection of Disney vinylmation figurines, and it’s nowhere on your mind. And then, out of nowhere, you see the thing you didn’t know you were looking for.
The new teaser trailer for Frozen 2, that is. The one that Disney just dropped on us like a ton of newly minted Elsa-in-a-pantsuit dolls. This wasn’t some expected Comic-Con or Super Bowl trailer shit. This was a fucking Wednesday. Day before Valentine’s Day. Popped outta the snow like mother fucking daisies.
(X)
Look, I’m just gonna say the thing we all know.
Rivers of Light is boring.
In case you don’t know, because you spend time outside and not on Disney Park’s YouTube page, Rivers of Light is the new nighttime show in Disney’s Animal Kingdom park. Disney spent a shit ton of time, resources, and sweet sweet Olaf plush doll money to get this show up and running about a year after they said they would.
And it’s neat. For like, a minute. And then it’s boring.
The new live action remake of the classic 1991 animated Beauty and the Beast came out last weekend, and it tried to pour some asphalt into the plot holes Disnerds have been cheekily pointing out for years (not me, of course, but like, okay yeah me). Unfortunately, in the process, it opened more cracks in the plot pavement than a Philadelphia winter.
(Spoilers ahead!)
As anyone who follows me on twitter — or listens when I shout incoherently out my window at night– knows, I am equal parts excited and apprehensive about the new live action remake of my favorite movie, Beauty and the Beast. On the one hand, Jungle Book. On the other hand, Maleficent. On the one hand, Ian McKellan as Cogsworth. On the other hand, Ewan McGregor as Lumiere. I could go on with this, but you’ve heard my window rants, so you know.
Basically this.
It’s the holiday season, and with the new year approaching, it’s a great time to think about how to give back. Not sure which cause is nearest to your heart? Let your favorite Disney princesses be your guide!
What follows is a list of charities I think the Disney princesses would support based on their values and experiences.
Note: All charities listed in this article have top ratings on CharityNavigator.org, unless otherwise noted. Read More…
A representative of the Society for People Who Can Actually Hear the Notes You Sing released a statement today publicly pleading tone-deaf singers to not try and sing the songs from the new Disney hit Moana outside of their shower.
“Look,” the spokesman, Sandy Plankton, said, “We know the music is great. You love it. We love it. It’s Lin Freaking Manuel Miranda. But we just got our hearing back from all those ‘Let it Go’ covers, and trust us, ‘How Far I’ll Go’ is even harder to sing.” Read More…
